A decision has been made not to allow Tommeh, aka Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, into the USA for a proposed speaking tour. This decision was made following weeks of speculation whether Tommeh's long list of crimes, including that of entering the USA fraudulently on a previous occasion, would bar him from entry again.
However, it has been exclusively revealed that the decision was made following the appearance of Tommeh at Downing Street wearing this suit:
A White House source said:
Following the appearance of Tommeh at Downing Street, it was decided not to allow him into the USA because of his suit.
Undaunted, Tommeh pressed ahead to spread his bad taste internationally with a degree of success. Australia have decided to grant him entry. A source close to the Prime Minister had this to say:
Tastelessness is on the decline in Australia. We are going down in the polls with more and more people turning away from garish bad taste. Tommeh's suit is just what we need to whip up enthusiasm for bad taste again and get ahead in the polls. We have a proud history of allowing in criminals, so also look forward to honouring that tradition."
Tommeh has started a crowd funder to fund his second home Australian Tour which can be found in the usual places.
by Matthew Black
Concern is growing for the welfare of Good Morning Britain presenter and celebrity toady, Piers Morgan, as he recovers from emergency surgery to remove his lips from the anus of President Donald Trump.
Morgan, 53, was last night rushed to the Royal London Hospital after experiencing breathing difficulties while interviewing President Trump. Television crew members battled frantically to prise Morgan’s pursed lips from the Presidents welcoming bottom, until paramedics arrived and stabilised his breathing with a temporary airway.
Morgan was subsequently transferred to theatre for emergency microsurgery. Senior Consultant, Dr Francis St John-Smythe, who led the procedure, this morning released a statement in which he stated that:-
I have never seen anything like it before. It was like a scene from the human-centipede. Morgan’s lips had adhered to the President’s anus. Effectively, they had become one being, even sharing a nerve supply. It was a difficult procedure, lasting nearly fifteen hours. Morgan’s lips are now free, and he is breathing unaided, however, he is still very unwell, and the next 24 hours will be crucial.
President Trump described the union of his anus and the lips of Piers Morgan as “Fake News”, a “Witch Hunt”, and “Very Bad”.